


ti amo

by orphan_account



Series: four times feliciano hugged ludwig, and one time when ludwig did. [5]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: & luddy is v gay, (kinda), Alternate Universe - Human, Aromantic, Aromantic Gilbert, Character Study, Depression, M/M, idk a lot of feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-16
Updated: 2016-01-16
Packaged: 2018-05-14 09:15:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5738014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some confessions happen. Ludwig is an emo mess.</p>
            </blockquote>





	ti amo

**Author's Note:**

> yeh i know i'm sorry DONT MIND ME

Feliciano was dressed in his white t-shirt with blue stripes and high-waisted jeans when he faced Ludwig, who was coming back from his morning jog. His arms were sweaty and he was out of breath and Feliciano felt shiver running down his spine, but he smiled.

“Good morning, Luddy!” he said and handed him a towel. Ludwig glanced at him confused.

“You’re up early” he said between breaths, “good morning.”

“I’m going for a walk. I wanted to ask you if you could go with me, but you just came back and....” 

“I’d be glad to go with you, but I have to work, I’m so sorry” Ludwig started and Feliciano shook his head.

“It’s nothing, I’ll go shopping and make dinner later. Don’t eat too much-” the Italian put on his jacket “- and make sure Gilbert goes to sleep.” Feliciano glanced over at the still confused German and fought the urge to kiss him on the cheek. He smiled instead and Ludwig softly smiled back. Feliciano's felt something like a light sting in his heart- everything about this scene was perfect, but impossible to achieve for real. _He probably doesn't love me,_ the Italian thought, _but I want him to know about my feelings._ He rested his hand on the doorknob. 

“I’m glad you’re so cheerful." Ludwig said trying to hide his awkward blush. He felt that Feliciano wasn'tbeing one hundred percent honest with him right now, but he figured that the Italian needed some time alone, and besides wasn't a morning walk perfect for gathering one’s thoughts? But it’s not like Ludwig knew something about this himself. It's not like he went jogging early because he needed to re-think something, he needed to dive into memories and withdraw one, particular one ... 

“For now.” Feliciano answered and walked out of the apartment and Ludwig fought the urge in himself that told him to go after the other man. 

\--

Feliciano soon found himself into the park. Sipping his pineapple-mango-lime smoothie, which he got from cosy vegan cafe where he’d stopped by earlier, he walked around the aisles, breathing in fresh air and the smell of plants, letting the overwhelming vividness of basil, pear and emerald colours that surrounded him, heal and calm his mind. He stopped next to a bench, expected it carefully and sat down. He pulled out his sketchbook and flipped through the pages, looking at his drawings. Outlines of plants, informations scribbled next to them - about their meaning and symbolism. Projects of his flowers crowns with colour schemes and materials. Feliciano smiled sadly, remembering his child-like enthusiasm when he created them. That was so long ago… He desperately tried to hide his depression by making such colourful stuff. He surrounded himself with beauty; he walked aroud Venice, sketching every beautiful thing he came across, but it didn’t help. Only the usual chat-conversations with Ludwig did help. _But you had to fall in love with him and ruin it all,_ Feliciano thought. He flipped over couple of pages and his eyes stopped on said man’s portraits. Smiling Ludwig, confused Ludwig, serious Ludwig. His eyes, his palms, his arms and his nose. Every little detail Feliciano could capture and remember was there. 

When they met, Feliciano wasn’t depressed, or at least he didn’t think he was. Maybe he didn’t excatly know how to descibe his state. For sure he wasn’t self-harming back then. But there were times when he had to hide himself in the toilets in school or at work and cry so much he couldn’t breathe. He called Lovino at ridiculous hours and cried into his phone, but he stopped when Lovino told him he was worried sick about his brother. He deleted texts and e-mails he wanted to send to his parents or grandfather right after he typed them. The only thing that made him relax was drawing and cooking. He found reconciliation in speaking to tourists or asking random people to draw their beautiful faces. It was similar with Ludwig - not only his face was drop-dead beautiful, but also Feliciano felt suddenly so calm and relaxed beside him. 

He sighed and glanced over his drawings again. Though he didn’t want stuff with Ludwig to end, he had to tell him. Maybe he would understand? Maybe Ludwig loves him back? Maybe he doesn’t? If so, what will Feliciano do? \-- 

To be honest, Ludwig could have sworn that that one evening before Christmas, when they were talking, he heard Feliciano say _ti amo_. 

At first, he wasn’t so sure. He just heard a weak whisper. But the true meaning of these words came to him later at night. Ludwig then jumped out of bed, suddenly eager to go to Italy right then, in the middle of December, even barefoot and in his pajamas. He wanted to scream that he loves him too, that he loved him since always, but yet, he couldn’t… 

_And now?_ Ludwig thought while washing the dishes. _Am I gonna tell him? Today? Tomorrow? Maybe never? He’s not going to leave his uni because of me. Am I willing to leave my work and life here, to go with him to different country?_ He sighed and turned his head towards his yawning brother, who was now standing on the threshold of their kitchen. 

“Go back to sleep”, he pouted, “aspirin is in the shelf. You look like you could use one.” 

Gilbert scoffed but his usual smirk stayed on his lips. “I talked to Feliciano and I think I can help” 

“Great. Are you done?” Ludwig barked, suddenly aware of how his ears were turning red. _Calm down calm down calm down_ a voice in his head started _why are you behaving like a teenager everytime someone mentions him?_

“Wow there, boy. Don’t bite my arm off.” The albino laughed. He really needed to smoke but he knew that Ludwig doesn’t like that. He also knew that he was in fact, The Older One so he didn’t really have to listen to his younger Luddy, but his hangover was killing him and this situation with Feliciano was rather interesting… 

“I thought about calling Roderich.” He said and Ludwig raised his eyebrows. 

“‘Cause you know. He’s like, a psychologist.” Gilbert rolled his eyes. “He could help Feliciano…” 

“For how long?” Ludwig stiffened. “Do you think he’s going to stay here forever? He has a semester to finish.” 

Gilbert sighed and leaned against the counter. 

“ _Bruder_ , for fuck’s sake. Why can’t we be honest with each other?” he hissed and Ludwig stopped polishing wine glasses, a thing he always did when he was nervous. 

“We both know that you-” 

“Fine.” Ludwig interrupted him before he would say something weird. “Then call your boyfriend and ask him whether Feliciano could pay him a visit.” 

Corners of Gilbert’s bright pink lips went up “To have a boyfriend one should have romantic feelings towards one another. And I don’t have romantic feelings towards anyone, don’t forget.” 

Ludwig muttered something under his breath and for a while Gilbert observed his brother. 

“I’ll talk to Feliciano about it.” The tone of his brother’s voice told him to go away, so the albino scoffed, shrugged and walked back to his bedroom. 

\-- 

By the time Feliciano was back, it was nearly a dinner time and as he promised, he started preparing food. He refused to let Ludwig help him and his tanned palms were working fast- skillfully kneading the dough for pasta or cutting vegetables. Feliciano was humming some song and he looked geniously happy- just like Ludwig used to remember him. Innocent. Carefree. Kind. Pure. Ludwig was looking at words printed in book he was reading but he wasn’t paying attention to them. He preferred to just sit in silence and listen to Feliciano bustling about in his kitchen. He caught himself on reading the same sentence three times in a row and nearly jumped when he heard Feliciano’s loud sigh when his body plumped on the armchair. Ludwig shifted the book away from his face to see the Italian comfortably streched on the armchair. He rubbed his eyes. 

“Aah, I’m tired!” he yawned “I haven’t done much though. Have you ever had something like that Luddy?” 

Ludwig cleared his throath “Uhm, not really.” 

“Oh, right, you always work so hard!” he said in genuine tone and laughed. Ludwig smiled. 

They sat in silence for a while and suddenly, Feliciano’s quiet voice said “I’m bisexual, you know” and for an unknown reason Ludwig’s face turned red. He swallowed. 

“Oh, this is, um, great.” He said but as soon as the words left his mouth, he realized how much awkward that sounded. “I mean-” 

“I just wanted to tell you that. Because you are my friend” Feliciano smiled and wiggled his legs. 

Ludwig wheezed. _That’s it, this is your chance,_ he thought. _Do it._

“Well, actually there’s this thing I wanted to tell you, too… Because you are my friend.” He started and dug is nails in his palm nervously . Feliciano’s eyes were wide open; he looked at him waiting patiently. _One sentence and you could change his life, your life. One sentence and you could destroy him, this friendship, you,_ he thought. 

“I actually… never paid attention to this stuff that much, but I think I might be… gay.” Ludwig panicked and chose the way round. He sighed at himself internally and looked up to see Feliciano; his eyes even more round and mouth open. 

“I knew it!” he exclaimed. 

“Wha-what?” 

“I dunno. I just felt it.” Feliciano smiled and Ludwig felt weak. 

The Italian suddenly looked at his watch and rushed towards the kitchen, shouting something about burned sauce. He got back and placed his palms on Ludwig’s arms and his amber, warm eyes looked directly into his own. Ludwig felt like Feliciano could see his heart and feelings; like he knew what he wanted to say to him initially. 

“I am so happy for you, Luddy! So happy.” 

His smile broke him apart. 

Feliciano shifted and wrapped his arms around Ludwig’s neck. The scent of his perfumes once again nuzzled his nose. His beautiful, sunny face was so close, he was practically in his lap, he could just grab him and- 

He couldn’t destroy his life _just like that._

**Author's Note:**

> i'm not even gonna say i am sorry bECAUSE WE ALL KNOW IT


End file.
